The question of “What are you going to do with your life?” keeps popping up in conversation; whether the conversation is with a teacher of mine, a classmate, a family member, or just an acquaintance, they all seem to be interested in my future. I normally fake a smile and give them a random career because, in all honesty, I have absolutely no clue what I’m going to do with the rest of my life and that terrifies me. One day I wake up and think, “I want to write for the rest of my life,” and the more practical part of me thinks, “You have Crohn’s medication that with insurance costs about $20,000 a month. You need a stable full-time job by the time you’re twenty-six and off of your dad’s insurance or you might end up dead.”
Every career field I lean towards is impractical: music, English, creative writing, theatre, education. In this country’s economic state we’ve made so many cuts to education, especially arts education, and jobs in arts education are very sparse. My biggest fear isn’t even not knowing what I’m going to do with my life. It’s not knowing if I’ll have a job that provides good health insurance and keeps me alive that terrifies me.
People always tell me that I should pick a career I’m passionate about and that it’s better to do something you love doing rather than something that makes a lot of money. In my case, however, I feel as though the latter is the better option. Majoring in something like engineering will give me a job with the benefits I need right our of college whereas with some form of education who knows if I will even have a job right out of college let alone a job with good benefits. This has me in fear; I second guess everything on a daily basis, yet I always end up back in the same place: a degree in music education and English education with a minor in theatre. This path is one that will probably get me nowhere in life, but this path is one that will make me extremely happy. At least if I choose this career path I die from lack of medication, I’ll die happy.
Survival Quit 